The Johnny Ramone Incident

Hello friends,

It was 2001. Three years before Johnny Ramone lost his battle with cancer.

I extend my hand to shake his and I said.............(wait a minute folks, let me back up a few hours)

So, I am sittin' in the poker room at the Mirage Casino in LasVegas. It's about 11 in the morning and I have been there most of the night grinding away. This has been a good trip so far. I have been killin'em. Now this was the first trip to Sin City for the lady friend I brought with me. She was very shocked, but she had a blast. Now my friends, you see, winning is better than losing cause you can have tons of fun blowing their money. We bought so much stuff we were shipping it back home by the box full. We took limos instead of taxis (limo drivers are a great source to get things you need that you may have choose not to bring with you on the plane i.e. a reading lamp, a kitten, a bunt cake, etc) We went to that fancy strip joint that has dudes dancin' upstairs and chicks on poles down stairs. We went to a bunch of fancy shows and ate a bunch of fancy food. I took her to Valentino's Zootsuit Connection to shop and bought her bunch of fancy clothes.

Anyway, back to the Mirage.

So I'm sittin' there and Art 'Ed "Hey Ralphy Boy" Norton' Carney sits down. He didn't play long cause he was 117 years old and having trouble staying awake. So later that evening, as we are getting ready to go out, I tell my friend about playing cards with my good buddy Art. She asks me if I spoke to him or got his autograph. That's when Mr. Big Shot (yours truly) starts in "Autograph?!? Listen doll, he puts his pants on one leg at a time just like me. I don't get on my knees for any man. Maybe I should get all goo-goo eyed and ask if I could shine his stinkin' shoes while I'm at it" My chest was stuck out as I paraded around our luxurious economy suite shaking my finger in the air acting and sounding like Ralph Kramden (with out meaning too)

So later later that evening after we had seen Rick Springfield in the FX show at the MGM (It was as bad as it sounds, but my friend looooooves Rick Springfield) we are walking through the Forum Shops. I looked like a freak, I tell you. But in a good way. My hair was greased up and my side burns were long. I was wearing a blue 1970's western suit and a wild 1950's tie from Renburgs. And of course a pair of pointy toed boots. I am struttin' around like I am somebody. Then it happens. Here comes Johnny Ramone out of Versace not 10 feet from me. I'm dumbfounded. Not only that it was him but that he was in a fancy two dollar joint like that (I blame his wife) I forgot all about my infamous 'I'm a man' soliloquy, and I made a B-line straight for my favorite punk rock guitar player. I extend my hand to shake his and I said "You changed my life" He smiled and asked me my name. ????? Ah oh, my brain has frozen up solid.....think stupid, think.....this is an easy one...THINK! "Eddy" I replied. So we stood there staring at each other not saying a word. Then finally he asked "Where are you from Eddy" I just stood there with a big, stupid smile on my face and beads of sweat rolling down my brow. I'm completely tongue tied......what did he just ask? I forgot the question. I'm starting to feel sick at my stomach. Then I stumble through this timeless statement "Tulsa, that's where I'm from. It's in Oklahoma. Your from New York" (Damn it! Did I just tell him where he was from? Shut up dummy, just shut your big yapper. But no-can-do, I just kept on a diggin' that hole deeper and deeper. I wanted to cry) "I saw you and your band, the Ramones, (Christ pinhead, he knows his bands name) at the Cains in 79" He informed me that it was in 1978, but said it was December so close enough..........oh no, frozen again......pleeeeze God, help me......Then I said this classic line "I got a CD song I wrote on and sang on...a line I had wroten (wroten?!?! What the hell does 'wroten' mean?) that says 'I'm like Johnny Ramone with my pants on fire' that's what it says" Lord he must have been proud........frozen.....come on.........Then, out of no where, this poured out of my mouth. I didn't want to say it, but it just came out anyway. I was helpless. "My guitar strap is just like yours". Somebody shoot me. We shake hands again and say goodbye. He walks off and I just stood there hating myself and wanting to punch my balls in. I mean, give my testicles a solid Mike Tyson uppercut.

But my friends, you will be glad to know that I kept my integrity and didn't ask for his autograph. I am to much of a man for that. I had my friend chase him down in 'Just For Feet' and get it for me, cause I don't get on my knees for any man.
***

'All the rest is just jive and honey' What the hell does that mean?


My stupid homeless friend Nipper is staying with Tracy and I till he finds a new place. This 'Honeymooners' clip not only kinda resembles us, it sounds exactly like us. Exactly. Here is Ralph Kramden and Ed Norton. For those of you to young, Art Carney is the skinny one.


Here is the famous 'pants on fire' line.


Adios,
~e~