I Win

Hello friends,

Check this out. The other day I got in to a debate with a complete imbecile. Which, by the way, are my fav-O-rite people to debate with cause I can't win against the smart people. Now, I was workin' in this house, doin' somethin' ner other, and I hear this dumberd outside rantin' and ravein'. I don't know this guy from Adam, but I could tell right away that he is one of those cats who's brain didn't developed all the way back when he was in the womb. OK, so he is goin' on about how he hates fagots. By God he hates them friends, I know cause he has said it about 50 times. And get this, he hates them fagots cause of the Bible. That's what he said. The Bibles the reason cause it says a man shouldn't lay with another man. Now, I don't know much about nothin' but I don't remember the Bible doin' to much talkin' about hatein' anyone. I assume we were talkin' about the same Bible. But when he pulled that ol' I believe in Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve horse shit I had to get involved.

So, I mosey on outside and I say "Do you really believe it's a choice? I kinda feel like those fagots was born that way." "Bullshit" he said real hateful (I took offense to his tone) "Well, I knew some boys that I went to elementary school with that were so sissified that they played with dolls. They grew up to be full fledged flamin' queers. I don't think they even understood about that choice when they was in 3rd grade" He smiled, gave a little snort, and shook his head, like I was to stupid to understand. Now friends, if you want to get my dandruff up, do that smile, snort, and shake thing. My insides were winding up like a big spring. "The Bible explains it all. It ain't no choice" he said firmly. "Ok, ok, don't get mad" I said "Let me ask you this. How do you deal with it?" "Deal with what" his dumb ass replied. I said "You know.....deal with it" He said "What, the fagots?" "No....I mean....well...say your in a bar over on the West side and say you have had a few brewskis and say there is some muscled up dude playin' pool with real tight Wrangles on and he has a kick ass mullet to boot. Now, your thinkin' bout how you would like nothin' more than to drop to your knees and suck the pants right off him. How do you control those urges?" He looked at me like I was crazy "I don't have those urges" he said. "Oh, so it's not a choice" I came back. "It is to a choice, just not for me" He screamed.

Now friends here is where I told a little white lie....well...a big whopper actually.

I said "You look like a Christian and seem to be pretty well versed with the Bible. Then you know that it says in the book of Job (I was referring to the book of Scott Jobe, one of my stupid friends) and I quote 'If I temptath one, I temptath them all' (I completely made that up. God forgive me) Right? So tell me, how do you fight your homosexual tendencies?" "I don't have any!" he screamed. "Are you calling God a liar!!" I screamed back. "Hell, no!!!" he yelled.

Now friends, I learned this next trick from Buggs Bunny. The ol' Rabbit season/duck season number.


So I hollered back "So your saying it's a choice then!!!!" He is red in the face. He yells "IT AIN'T NO CHOICE!!!!!" "Right, that's what I've been saying all along. I'm just glad you weren't callin' God a liar" I said. He was was to confused to fight anymore and just kinda stared at me. But not me, I was ready to fight his inbred, redneck, stupid, stupid, stupid, ass.

Now friends, those of you who know me know I have some gay guy friends. But this next part wasn't about them. This is about the gay gals. I have family members who are gay gals. And I don't just mean blood family, I also mean the gay gals they are married to. They are my family also. I have a gay gal friend that I know that I look up to more than any one on this planet (except my folks) I love her too. I wish I had 1/10 of her smarts.

I look him straight in the eyes and said as serious as I have ever said anything "So, how do you feel about lesbians?" This is it. I am past trickin' him. He is gonna say something bad about those people I love and I am gonna knock his damn jaw loose. Say something, pleeeeeease. Then this friend of mine who knows about my family and friends and knows that I am baiting him, jumps in. "That's enough, stop it for Gods sake. No more lets go back to work. Come on Eddy, please" he begs. And it ends. I win.

I don't really know what the morel to the story is...I guess it's be careful what you say around people you don't know, they may love some gay gals, or maybe it's don't blame God for your insecurities, or something along those lines.



Adios,
~e~