CEO

-----------------------------------------Bobby Nardelli

Hello friends,

Well, I have decided that I want to be the CEO (Chief ...sumthin'... Officer) of some big fancy company. Yup, that's what I want to do. And I believe I can handle the job...well at least as good, if not better, than some of those cats doing it now. Here are some examples and what I would do different.

Now take Bob Nardelli for instance. He was so craptastic that The Home Depot paid Bobby 210 million smackers to leave (I dropped the ball on this one. They got me to leave for free. I should have held out, at least until the cops showed up) Then he was hired by those knuckle heads over at Chrysler, to...well...I guess to run the company into the ground, cause that's what he did (I could have done that) I guess the interviewing HR who hired him forgot to call his previous employer. That was a colossal over sight on there part. Hell, the government offered a 750 million dollar loan to Chrysler, on the grounds that it would require that executive compensation be capped, but good old Bob, not wanting to take the governments money, turned it down. Now Chrysler is drivin' up chapter 11 avenue, flippin' off all people they put outa work, while Bob is transferrin' his 3.8 million dollar Los Angeles house into his wife's name (Now that one will come back to bite him in the ass, mark my words) I guess he is keeping his Atlanta home in his own stupid name.

One thing I would have have done is made the new Dodge Challenger and Charger affordable. They would sell a bucket load of those things (a bucket load is a bunch) And I would have drove to Washington to appear before Congress to beg for money in one of those silver babies with the black racin' stripes and a magnetic sigh on the side saying "This car cost next ta nuttin". Bobby chose to fly in a private 35 million dollar jet. Good choice, dumb dumb.-------------------------------- Fancy Dodge Challenger

Take a gander at Bobby's Atlanta home. I grew up in a house almost exactly like his. A carbon copy. The comparison is uncanny.

http://virtualglobetrotting.com/map/48980/view/?service=1

Roger Mulally of Ford closed 17 plants and put 51 thousand (that's right 51,000) people on the skids. But fortunately for Rog, he is still gets to fly to his other Mansion in Seattle every weekend on one of the eight corporate jets. His wife gets to use it too. I'm sure her heart bleeds for those 51,000, out of work, hungry and cold, X auto workers as she wings off to New York to get her bunions scraped. Rog had a pretty good year last year, he made 28 million dollars. Not to shabby.

I think I would lose the house in Seattle, cut all the executives pay by 70% (mine too) get rid of 7 of the jets, end all those free fancy lunches, no more trips to Hawaii with the wife on the company's tab, and stop using the employees retirement money to stay in fancy hotel rooms with high dollar hookers and snorkel up a pound of coke. Instead, I would eat at Antones, I would pay for my own vacations, and I would frequent seedy motels with sleazy whores and snorkel up a 8 ball of crank. That way, maybe I could keep 11 of the plants open and keep all the (51,000) jobs. You see, I would have trouble givin' some three toothed floozy that goes by the name 'Destiny' a 'damn good seeing to' knowing that she might have worked for me when she had a dental plan and was called LaShonda. What can I say, I'm a man with a conscience.

-------- -------------------------Mulally's ride

But my favorite CEO is, Dennis Leo Kozlowski of Tyco (Isn't that the name of the u-nee-bomber?) Anyway, he's the wild man who threw the famous one million dollar shareholders/wife's birthday shin-dig that had a ice sculpture of the Statue of David that whizzed Stolichnaya vodka all over the joint. Mmm-mmm. Makes me thirsty just thinkin' about it. Supposedly the hootenanny turned in to an orgy as the night went on. Denny also had a stupid 1 thousand dollar waist paper basket (trash can) for his desk and a stupid 6 thousand dollar shower curtain (WTF?) That thing better do something besides keep water from sprayin' on my floor for 6 G's.

Now, I wouldn't have had a party cause I'm afraid that if I did no one would show up and the rejection might give me some kinda complex or sumthin'. Not to mention, that whole table of chips and dip would go to waste. I would be up for the orgy tho (no pun intended) but as far as the peeing thing...well...I'll just leave that one alone. Now, I would have saved the company a bunch of dough on that shower curtain and trash can, cause I could give two s**ts about those kinda things. Ones from K-mart would work for me just swell. And maybe, just maybe, I would take the money I saved and give away some Tyco toys to a bunch of poor tots for Christmas. Being nice to poor kids at Christmas is golden when it comes to promotion and publicity. The public eats that sappy stuff up. --------------------Here is Denny and his pee drinkin' wife Karen

Let me tell you something friends, I could do it. I could have sabotaged all of these companies just as good as those goons did, for half the money and in half the time. I could put on some platform shoes and host a swingers soiree. These guys all have monster egos, and...well, I'm kinda a megalomaniac my own self, I guess. See, someone the other day told me I had 'narcissistic personality disorder' (NPD) and that's why I write this junk, so I can show you people just how clever and witty I think I am. Personally I don't think I'm clever or witty, I think I'm a souper jeanius. But, that's not for me to say, that's for....Where the hell was I? Oh yeah, the CEO's. Those fellas are gittin' paid millions to make us look like chumps. Chumps I tell ya! Well, I'm just about sick and tired of being the 'chumpy' and I am ready to be the 'chumper' for a change.
I wonder if I can apply online.

Speakin' of the skids, here are my good friends from North Carolina. You know, I believe my friend, Mary Huff, is the best female rock and roll bass player out there. She is a awsome talent...well, for that matter, everyone in this band is great. Dig it.