27 Year Old Girlfriend

_________________________*Break Up Update*
I don't believe she is mad at me any more, I think she just hates my guts and livers.

Hello friends,

For the past...I don't know....for sometime now, I would run into someone and they would ask if I was on 'Face Book'. I would tell them 'no', cause I wasn't. Well, last night, I was losing my mind and not being able to sleep, I went and signed up. I still haven't quite figured it out, but I got a message from an old girlfriend of mine. A 27 year old girlfriend. What I mean to say is, she was my girlfriend 27 years ago. That was such a great time in my life. And for her...well, I was her boyfriend so it goes with out saying that she probably considered herself the luckiest girl on the face of the planet. We typed back and forth in that little box thing-a-ma-jig. My typing ain't so swift so our timing got all off and she was answering the question that I wrote two questions before the last answer. I didn't know what the hell she was talking about. I thought she had busted her cerebral cam shaft. Any way, one thing led to another and we are on the phone. We talked about how much fun we had back then, even tho we couldn't remember what we actually did that was so much fun (we did remember one thing we did, and it was so much fun we did it a bunch) Then one day I decided that we should 'see other people', and friends, let me tell you, that's when all the fun came to a screechin' halt. Now then, after about 3 days of 'seeing other people' I realized that I didn't want to see other people, I wanted to have some more fun. But she had a very 'no can do' attitude about having fun with me any more. I was devastated. This was my first, truly broken heart. Then she kicked it around in the dirt a while, covered it in acid, and fed it to a monkey. Good Lord, I was miserable. Anyway (back to nowa days) she told me that she was happily married to a wonderful guy, that she had a great son, and lived in a big house in sunny southern California. I told her that I had just had the locks changed on me, no visitation rights with my pussy cats, and that I lived in a shack on the West side of the river. No, not really. I'm kidding. I didn't tell her that. I wouldn't lay my troubles on someone I haven't seen in 27 years. Besides, she would think I was some big loser. I must admit I stretched the true just a tad. Just enough to smooth out the wrinkles a bit. All I told her was that I was head of EddyTech International, a mover and shaker in the globicular nuclear atmospheric engineering and technical research field, that I was shacked up with 3 super models, and that I lived in a mansion next door to Hugh Hefner's brother, Cliff. I told her my hobbies were hand to hand tiger hunting and rescuing blind orphans. I told her that I had trained my mind to make me feel no pain and to be able to levitate old used beer bottles. That I had swam with the piranhas of the Amazon and snow boarded across flowing lave in the south pacific. I told her I had all my hair and that I don't even know how to spell Viyagra. She asked for the names and numbers of my last 3 girlfriends. But unfortunately my phone suddenly went dead...damn it!




Adios,
~e~