Well, Tracy left for Hawaii Saturday morning and I believe I set a record this time. It only took till Monday morning for me to screw things up. See, we have these dumpster cats and they are very spoiled. They have the run of the house for the exception of our bedroom. Now, ever since Tracy has been gone Stanleyman has been looking for her, moping and pouting around like some teenage who just found out that being grounded means you don't get to go hang out at Rockwell Park with Scott and Roger on Friday night because you got a bunch of D's on your report card (that you probably didn't deserve but the teachers hated you for no good reason) Where was I? Oh yeah, Stanley. I proceed to fall asleep on the couch Sunday night. I wake up at about 7:00 in the AM and head to my bedroom. When I turn the corner there is Stanley, just laying there waiting for Tracy to get up. I told him she was in Hawaii but he didn't understand me cause he's a pussycat. So I decide to brake cardinal rule number 37 and let Stanleyman in the room to see for himself, while he is looking around I crawled in bed and fall asleep. Next thing I know, Little Ethel Merman is meow, meow, meowing, I wake up to see that Stanley's fat ass has fell through the screen on the window and is long gone! Christ all mighty, where the hell did he go?!?! L.E.M. (Little Ethel Merman) is just like Lassie except he's a little pussycat and I'm just like Timmy except grown up and better looking.
Now, I kinda fancy myself as some what of a MacGyver and I am probably the best pussycat wrangler in these parts, so I got to work. Don't worry Stanleyman, I'm coming. I put on my warden hat and put all the pussycats on lock down, and recuted my stupid friend Nipper to help me. I set 2 pussycat traps out baited with a variety of foods I thought Stanley would like. I put his litter box by the open back door. I dawned my handy flash light headband and crawled around under the house and my deck like a spelunker on crank (have I mentioned that I have a huge deck. I have all kinda of pictures of my deck. All the Lady's want to see my big deck....sorry) Nipper crawled around under there too. I put some food in the Man Cave (my detached garage) under the house, and by my deck where I tore off about a 7 foot section of lattice (I better get that fixed before Tracy gets home) Then I sprinkled flour all around the food bowls so I could see if he was there and which way he went. I put 2 security cameras out, 1 under the house and 1 in the Man Cave, and ran the lines into mission control (my living room) I told Tracy what had happened and she blamed me cause "I was in charge". I tried to blamed it on Nipper, but she didn't buy it. She was pissed. She said to open up the bedroom window and maybe he would come back the way he left. Good idea, except his fat ass can't jump that high. So, I made a ramp out of a 1x6 and wrapped it with carpet for traction. I placed it in the window then stuck Little Ethel Merman's butt in the hole (Kitty Crate) and threw him in to the bedroom and closed the door. And just as I planed, little sissy cat started crying like a big ol baby. That's gonna lure him in for sure....but then I felt bad cause of all the crying, so I put L.E.M. back in lock down with the other prisoners.
Now this all started about 9:30 in the morning. Then, as I stared zombie eyed at the surveillance monitors (my bedroom and living room TVs) I hear a faint meow from my bedroom. It can't be Stanlyman cause he has never ever meowed in his whole life. He is a mute pussycat. Some stray cat has climbed in the bedroom window. I jumped up, ran down the hall (all 4 feet) threw open the door, and there stands Stanly. Stanlyman, your not a mute! And your home!!! It's about 4:00 AM on Tuesday. I called Tracy and she is very relived. The pussycat prison is off lock down and the inmates are sleeping. Stanley is very happy to be back. He won't leave my side, never getting more than 3 feet away. He is sleeping next to my feet as I write this. I sure am glad he's back, my little fat assed Stanleyman.
I would have attached a photo of Stanley but for some reason most of my pictures are not on my computer any more. ??? I think that my stupid friend Nipper deleted them on accident while he was down loading some'educational' videos.
This is a great girl band but the video sound is not that great. I like it anyway. This is 'The Gore Gore Girls'.
Adios,
~e~
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