Thursday, June 24, 2010

Virtual Darts General Patton vs.Hansel and Gretel


Hello friends,

Well, I'm a little pissed, a little disappointed, and a little hurt, but I'm more pissed than the other two. There is something that I haven't told y'all...cause...well...it's a little embarrassing. You see, I play virtual darts on-line, and well, I am ranked number one in the world. I'm the only American in the top ten. That is the Gods honest truth, number one. The good part is that it makes me zero dollarinos, zilch. So I don't have to worry about taxes and what to spend the money on, so that's nice. Finally something I'm good at...virtual darts...wow. Now for the last few weeks I've been hanging around 6th, give or take a place, but I have played over my head lately and made the big push to the first spot yesterday. So what, big deal right? Right. But what I'm writing about is how the damned Germans have turned on me. These two dudes, who have been the big guns forever, and who were nice as hell when they were spanking my little red, white, and blue ass blue, have started talking all kinds of trash. Like I shouldn't be # 1 cause I'm not good and how I got lucky and so on. One even called me a bitch. Now, Hansel and Gretel (as I call them) have no idea who they are messin' with. First I'm a Merican, by God. (I meant to drop the 'A' cause that's how I say it...Merican) Second, I'm an Okie. I don't care what you say, the biggest sissy form Oklahoma will beat the ever lovin' tar out of some pretzel bendin', lieder hosen wearin', Heidi from Hamburg...sorry I got off on a tangent. Anyway, those idiots thought they could have a war of words with me, the General Patton of the come back and I always cross that line. I asked one of them if they had ever won a war they started. I said it seems that y'all are good about starting things but can't seem to follow through. I told the other that I think my uncle shot his Grampa at Normandy and cut his ear off and wore it on a necklace and he brought his G'pa's blood stained helmet back and gave it to the retarded neighbor kid down the street who used it for a urinal. I asked them why the worn girls bikini bottoms when they went swimming. I said Americans couldn't wear those because it wouldn't cover our huge.......well, you know. I asked how it felt to know that there relatives were all big losers and quitters. Oh, they were big men in Poland but that didn't last long. I told them they probably have American blood cause all the Frauleins were sleeping with our GI's...and who could blame them when all they had were bikini bottom wearers. I commended them on there bang up job with the 1972 Olympic hostage situation. Who was head of security, col. Klink? And on and on and on. They don't like me much. Shouldn't have called me a bitch.









Adios,
~e~

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